Sunday, July 30, 2006

At a loss

Not really sure where to begin. Ian has had off from work since Weds. and I've been off since Thurs. for the wake and funeral. Ian managed to make quite a bit of head way going though the living and dining room area and cleaning that. We managed to catalog and box up a whole box of our books. It doesn't seem like much (not even a dent in the number of books we have) but it's a start. I've been in one hell of a funk. Aidan has been crabby, because of my mood? maybe, not sure. We're going to try to get some more done today, going to try tackling the kitchen next. We've bagged up so much stuff that we're just going to toss that we've filled the trash can and have no where to put the rest. which is hampering out movement. Trash day is Tuesday so that will be here soon enough to help ease some of the space issues. Determined to get this place mucked out a bit, although it seems it will never been done. The house has been in a constant state of disarray since we moved in. My scrapping space is a mess again, but it has to take a back burner until we get some other things cleaned up.
The truck has some kind of warning light on for the emission system...not really happy about this as it's a pain to get it to the dealership because of their crappy service department hours. This just adds to my annoying list of things that I need to deal with and don't really know when or how I'll deal with them. We've discussed getting rid of the truck and downsizing to some kind of car. Not sure yet if that will actually happen but it's been discussed.
I want so badly to quit work. The last couple of weeks have been the worst thus far. I'm not happy with how things have been going and have actually started looking for work (part-time) elsewhere. I can only hope that something not horrible turns up soon. The stress of working where I am right now has me very much on edge. I'm a little worried I'm going to slip over an edge into some sort of depression, which is not something I want, I don't want to be a burden on Ian and I don't want to further the negative effect I seem to have on Aidan at times. I'm tired of being moody and snapping at everyone. I don't like what I've become. Some days are better then others, and Ian doesn't seem to complain about my moods, I'm blessed with a loving guy.I'm blessed with a sweet little boy (most of the time anyway). I need to remember these things and try to straighten myself out. As a reminder to myself and to show off a picture of my guys, here they are.

3 comments:

skrpndiva said...

Fe, I'm so sorry you are going through a funk. Just know that it happens to everyone. I've been clinically depressed and I worked through it so you can too! Just keep thinking positive and realize that no matter what happens, you are hurting yourself most by beind down. Your life is what you make it; and you only get one chance, so make it worth every minute. Love to you!

Tara O'Rourke said...

Fe I am sorry for the loss of your friend and cousin, Gina. What an awful disease cancer is. I am sorry that the boys' dad is such a jerk too. I am sure with his behavior he just lost his kids and everything. ANd this is something he justly deserves!

Laurie Shea said...

sorry to hear about your counsin. I know how times can be hard and tiring. If you ever need someone to talk to let give me a call.