Hurt

I expected for parenting to get hard when Aidan became a teenager, I expected for there to be times when he would say mean things and tell me he didn't like me. I didn't expect my not quite four year old to call me a monster. He was playing with this jar of change and had decided that he was going to go play with something else. I told him to clean up his money first. He told me "No way MONSTER" with the most unfriendly look in his eyes. Make no mistake I have always known I was not his favorite person.He has always preferred his Daddy to me, I thought because daddy is more patient, doesn't raise his voice as often. He has always preferred Nana and Grandma because he gets his way when he's over there.
But tonight has convinced me that...
Perhaps I am wrong.
Perhaps he really just does hate me.
Perhaps I did something horribly wrong at some point and never realized it.
Perhaps this is really part of why Ian keeps saying we should wait to have another baby, maybe it's not just because he wants to finish school.
Perhaps this is repayment for some sin I've commited.
Perhaps this is sign.
I called Ian in a fit of tears over this. and ended up telling him that he wouldn't have to worry about me bringing up the subject of when we could try for a sibling for Aidan ever again.
I will not ask again.
I don't want another child that will look at me with the look Aidan gave me tonight.
I do not want to feel like this ever again. This is the lowest I have EVER felt.
I am sick.
I am tired.
I am done.

edited 11/4/06
A couple of people have told me this is normal behavior from a child...I accept that, although it doesn't make it any easier to deal with. I've received some advice from someone older and wiser and who's had 3 boys and who always seems to me to be so patient, even though she claims it's taken her years to get that way. My fantastic mother in law! I've got a long way to go don't I Mom? will I ever get there? I hope so until then I guess I'll just have to be a work in progress and try to be the best mom I can be. Here's to it all working itself out in the end!

So yesterday was a first for me!

Not a good first, not a nice first. But a "REALLY pissed me off first". I was driving home from work and it sounded like something hit the car. I figured maybe a rock popped up, you can't do anything about that. So I kept on going the last few blocks to the house, got out to check the car where I thought I heard the impact. And do you want to know what really hit my car? Well I'll tell you!!! It was an EGG!!!!!!!!! WTF is that all about!!! Who eggs random people going by? What year is it? I mean you would think this we be old by now. I mean I don't remember people doing it anymore when I was in H.S. why would it be making a come back? This pissed me off....

For a couple of reasons-

1.- If I had been an inexperienced driver and they had missed their aim on my moving vehicle and hit the windshield they could have caused a serious accident.

2. Egg is not good for your paint job. I haven't had this truck for 2 years yet, I really don't want it looking all ghetto just because I practically live in the ghetto.

3.- It's just plain ignorant for some jack ass to sit outside and hurl what could have potentially been their breakfast this morning at other unsuspecting people.

So me being the upstanding citzen that I am i called the village police (non-emergency of course) and let them have a piece of my mind about this. Last I heard they sent a squad car to the scene of the crime.

And on that happy note I'll post again tomorrow. Hopefully lots of great pictures of the little man's first time trick or treating. and with his GIRLFRIENDS none the less! That's what he calls Ashley and Dana...his girlfriends. I wonder if it's to soon to sit down and have a little talk to him about how it's a bad idea to be "dating" 2 girls at once, especially when they're sisters?

Later Taters

What gender is your brain?

Your Brain is 73% Female, 27% Male

Your brain leans female You think with your heart, not your head Sweet and considerate, you are a giver But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!

What Gender Is Your Brain?

Muppet Personality

You Are Kermit

Hi, ho! Lovable and friendly, you get along well with everyone you know. You're a big thinker, and sometimes you over think life's problems. Don't worry - everyone know's it's not easy being green. Just remember, time's fun when you're having flies!

The Muppet Personality Test

What's your name?

Your Hillbilly Name Is...

Tammy Lee Beaver

Hillbilly Name Generator

4th Gen

These are Aidan and his cousins (one more on the way next month). I did this page for an AD challenge here.

Kit used is Shabby Fluer by Brenda Kempf

Font is Poster.

In other news, work is still going well. Got my first paycheck last week, not bad if I do say so myself (it was more then I thought it would be) and yes I even managed to bring a good chunk of it home. Got paper to start making my x-mas cards, I'm hoping that starting them now I'll actually finish them and get them mailed before x-mas. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

My little guy is totally excited about Halloween, keeps wanting to put his costume on. He's going to make a great Buzz Lightyear. He's totally got the moves down! LOL.

Ian is still sleeping, must have gone to bed later then normal this morning. Going to have to go and get him up soon or he's going to screw up his schedule.

Nothing much else is new.

Later Taters.

Our wedding -Digi Layout

Did this layout for a Inspiration Layout challenge at sbElements

Kit used was AlmaTownsend_SBEOct_Gift.

Font used Old Century

Basket Case

Here's another page I just finished for the sketch challenge here.

The kit used is the daily download for last month-calle New Summer Clothes by the Digital Diva @ Digital Diva Designs.

The font used was Tahoma

Digital page : J easter of '05

Kit used : Little Peeps by Brenda Kempf

Font : Storybook

Did this for this weeks challenge at AddictedtoDigital

Scrappy Happy about Fruitcake

The paper collection by Basic Grey I mean (so definitely not the stuff you eat..yuck)! So thrilled to get my hands on this paper pack! How gorgeous is this paper? This really is a lovely line that Basic Grey put out. We just got it in at the store today and I snatched it right up. Now I have to decide what I'm going to use it for. We got the other new x-mas line (Dasher) today too but I don't like that entire set, the prints are too big, I don't know how I would use it. I think I would need to see examples first. There were a few sheets I wouldn't mind getting but I didn't want the entire pack. See how responsible I was I didn't just snatch that one up too just to have it. I got the one I really liked and know that I can use.

I've been working there 3 weeks now and I love it! The people are so nice (like I just knew they would be) and I really love working retail. I'm busy and moving around and lovin' every minute of it. So thrilled that this is turning out to be as great as I had hoped.

New digital layout

here's a two page one of my little guy on his bike.

The paper is by Misty Cato (Sapphire Paper Pack)

The font is Storybook.

Did this using the October Sketch Challenge here.

Ian off to work

There goes Daddy leaving for work. I had the camera out there to take pictures of Aidan riding his bike and snapped a few of Ian heading out to work. He's such a good man! Works been a little rough, they've basically been tossing him anywhere that they're short handed. But he doesn't really complain. He just goes with the flow. Comes home goes to bed and gets up again for more. He's had the last 2 days off and is getting ready to go to bed so he can go to work tonight. This weekend will be his 3 days off and he's looking forward to it. I've got work saturday, it's going to be my first Scrap Mania, which is a late night crop. I hope it goes well.

and he's off!!

He's a lean mean bike riding machine! I've taken Aidan out a few times on his bike and he loves it. We went around the block a couple of times yesterday and we've gone to Nana's house and he just loves riding that bike.

The addicted to digital challenge...

for this week is here. I wasn't 100% sure if I did ecxactly what they wanted but I submitted this page I made today anyway. I used a template by Brenda Kempf and the Kit is called "Fresh" and is by Saskia Bokkers. I know, I know, these pages are sorta girly colors and there are flowers and pictures of my little BOY, but I thought the kit worked well because of the daisy he stole and the papers. so here it is.

Blog wouldn't load the picture right, it kept cutting off the bottom. so click the link right above to see the page in my gallery. Thanks

For those wondering how the 1st day went

It has been a few days since I posted but that is because it has taken some time (and will take another week or so) getting used to being a day person; still have some adjusting to do! I really am enjoying working at the store, I have a lot to learn, but oh the emotions I feel working there. The joy at being in a happy, positive environment. Working with other people who enjoy the same things that I do. The agony of seeing all the cool new things that come out and having to stop myself from scooping them all up. The joy out-weighs the agony though so I can't complain. The ladies that I've worked with so far have been great. So nice, and patient. Working with the customers is great too, I really do believe I was cut out for retail. I just love working with the people.
My little guy is adjusting pretty well. The first night (and last night too, but not as much as the first night) he cried a bit because he missed his daddy. It didn't help that it stormed most of the night. I got him down to bed at about 8:40 pm and came back down to watch a movie before I went to sleep. I finished watching my movie and went up to bed and that's when the storm really picked up, it woke my fry guy up and he didn't want to go back to sleep, took almost 2 hours to get him down again. He kept asking me if I was ready to get up yet. LOL, what a kid. Once he was a sleep it took me a little while to fall asleep myself. I had trouble falling asleep last night also. I just sleep better when Ian is home. He's home tonight and tomorrow, so HIP HIP HOORAY for a good night's sleep tonight. I've worked the last two days from 10am-4pm and tomorrow I work 12p-6pm. Then I'm off a couple of days. I really do think this is going to work out great. I'm home more, which once I get myself settled into a routine I'll be able to get more stuff done. I even made dinner a couple of times this week. I'm probably going to be getting my money's worth out of my crock pot since we're both on such odd schedules . I really like being able to get things done during the week. Instead of having to cram all the errands that come up into Saturdays I can do one or two each day during the week and it makes things much easier.
Ian has worked 2 shifts this week, and is doing pretty good. But then we figured he would do okay since he was usually up those hours anyway. If anything he is probably getting more sleep now then he used to! Which is not a bad thing by any means.
Here's to more good days ahead!

And so it begins

Today is going to be Ian's first night on the 12 hours shifts. He's all set, got him self all worked out as far sleeping and waking, and is actually up already, about 1 and half early. The only really big problem is I have to sleep without him in the house. This has only happened once before and that was when he was in the hospital and they thought he had something wrong with his appendix. And that time I didn't so much sleep as just lay there waiting for it to be early enough to go back to the hospital. I'm already used to him not being in the bed because he stays up late doing school work, but he's usually still here, he's right below me, we're secure because daddy is in the house. That won't be the case today. I hope I can sleep, especially since I have to work at 10 tomorrow. I also hope Aidan will go to bed without daddy sitting with him (which is why we're getting the rocking chair, daddy sits on the floor, mommy can't do that unless someone is around to help me back up). Here's to crossing my fingers that tonight goes smoothly.

another layout

Made this with the kit I got for doing the Layout challenge mentioned in the post before this one. This kit is by Saskia Bokkers of Addicted to Digital. The font I used is called Socket.

First Day

New month, new job...new me? I got up at about 8:30 am. this is totally new to me. so used to working 2nd shift and not getting up until noon. I start at 1 today, I'm excited and nervous, and really hoping this all goes smooth.



on another note, here is a layout (digital) that I did for a scraplift challenge here (my layout is below) the layout I chose to scraplift is here. Not really sure if I like how it came out but I can always change it later. I've got so much to learn about digi scrapping.

Off I go to eat something before I get the little guy ready for Grandma's house and I go to work.

Blessings to all!